So, what is a trigger? It’s something that causes us to have an extreme blind emotional reaction. It’s like something scaring you. The thing that startles you is the trigger and being scared is your emotional reaction. We all have them. No one goes through life without developing at least a few of them. It’s the slamming doors, the change in someone’s voice, or a low blow cheap shot directed to hurt you. I want to find a way to stop letting my triggers control me. I need them to lead me to a path of self-reflection. There is strength in learning how to react better towards the things that hurt you.
When we’re triggered, our reaction is far from sane. The emotional response tends to go on longer than the trigger took to penetrate. Even though we associate this with mostly negativity, there are positive triggers. The smell of gasoline takes me back to riding four-wheelers in Jasper, or the photo I have of me holding Riley when she was born. Our bodies turn into fight or flight mode when confronted, and we aren’t always able to control our reactions. I want to work on not fleeing too fast, lashing back too hard, or shutting down too quickly.
There’s always a chance for disappointment when having relationships with people. By becoming self-aware, we can learn how to respond better when triggered. I’m not perfect and have never claimed to be. I’m sort of like a sponge. I take it for so long until it’s just the end of the straw. Once pushed to the breaking point, I suck at controlling how I act. Triggers are past traumas making their way into our present lives. When I did some research (which you guys know I love), I saw that we should get from:
Trigger —> Reaction
Trigger —> Reaction —> Response
Trigger —> Response.
Here are some tips that I found scouring the web that might help us get there.
- Name your Triggers- Learn and become aware of what sets you off.
- The root of the problem- Figure out what is behind your trigger, and then start your healing process.
- Notice when you’re getting angry- When you feel the anger coming on, take a walk and find a way to cool off.
- You’re never alone.
So, want to know what my triggers are? I have a few, lol.
Omfg. This one used to get me good. I mean, I used to yell across the parking lot if someone was staring. As I’ve gotten older, I have kind of gotten better. Lol. Instead of yelling, now I just ask what they’re staring at. Or I tell them to just take a picture.
Not a fan. I am NOT a fan. I try so hard to ignore these comments, but this is the one I struggle the most with. I hate ugly reacting to things that are said to me. Words are just words. Right? Well, not to me. I “take it” the first few times, but I lose it after too many times. It’s like seeing red. I’m not proud of how I’ve acted when someone says a hurtful comment to me, but everyone has a breaking point.
Omg, I suck with this shit. I can’t distinguish between helpful criticism and hateful criticism. I’ve been told my whole life how to dress, what my body should look like, how I should act. It’s made me sensitive to all criticism. I want to learn how to take it in and accept it.
The change in tone of voice/screaming:
Fuck this. I despise it. I feed off people’s energy too much. When someone starts yelling, my body goes into fight mode. My voice starts to raise as long as they are still going on. The change of someone’s tone, or the screaming, scares me. It makes me feel unsafe. It takes me back to being a teenager in toxic relationships or the drunk guys who have hurt me. I hate feeling unsafe. I’d much rather have a conversation in normal tones than feel like they’re attacking me.
Our reactions happen fast when triggered so don’t be too hard on yourself. They make us feel like we are right back into the traumatic experience that caused it. We all need work. I sure as hell know I do.
I promise to find out my triggers, work on finding peace, and stop reacting blindly. Losing myself to my trauma is not something I want to continue doing. I want to be better. 🙂
I can do it, and you can do it. EVERYONE CAN DO IT.