Ten Q’s, because who wants to read twenty Q’s written by me?

I’ve been struggling lately, and my psychiatrist recommended finding some journal prompts to help me have more of an outlet. Writing has been my escape these days. My life feels out of control. This blog allows me to have a voice with no judgment or negativity. I enjoy being transparent and letting others know they are not alone. Self-reflection is vital, especially for someone who has little love for themselves. Also, I really wanted to try some of these. 

Here’s to being transparent.

When I think of my father I feel…

  • Sad. Happy. Proud. Our relationship has always been up and down. But, I am so proud to be his daughter. He is strong and resilient. He is positive and loving. He is an amazing man. I wish we were closer, and I regret not seeing him as much as I should. Dad, I love you. For some reason, I feel like you do read this blog, and that makes me happy. I am proud of him. He taught me everything about baseball, which just so happened to teach me about life as well. I will forever and always be an extension of my father. 

What would you tell your teenage self?

  • Love yourself. Those boys don’t care about you. Stop searching for things in sex. I wish you knew how beautiful you are. You are a force of nature. It makes me sad to think of the dark times. Don’t hurt yourself. Don’t take the pills. Don’t do this stuff. YOU MATTER. You are strong Madison. You are resilient. It’s okay to not be okay. Fuck anyone who doesn’t believe in you. Also, wait until you become a mom. Then you’ll see how truly amazing your life is.

Why is your favorite color and why?

  • Blue. I’ve always felt blue if that makes sense. Blue calms me. Have you ever heard the song Blue World by Mac Miller? It came out way after blue became my favorite color, but it just exasperates my love for the color. All my life I’ve felt blue, and I’ve never gone a day without feeling some sort of pain. Blue is me. Blue is the perfect color for me. 

Why is your favorite movie your favorite movie?

  • A Walk to Remember. Have y’all seen it? It is an example of true love and selflessness. This movie is something I watch when I need to be humbled. I cry every time I watch. Highly recommend. 

What did you use to want to be when you grew up and why?

  • I always wanted to be a family-focused therapist. My parents got divorced when I was young, and I didn’t handle it very well. Helping kids who are going through that is what I always wanted to do. When I had Grace, it just didn’t seem possible. But, I love giving my friends lots of advice as if I know what I’m talking about. LOL.

Who is your favorite person to talk to and why?

  • Right now? Madi. She keeps my head on straight and always reminds me I am special. She has a good soul, and I’m so happy we’ve reunited. Over the years I’ve had a few people that always brought me comfort when I spoke to them. Sierra, although we don’t talk every day, she is a person who can bring me back to the center. She is the definition of true support. My Pawpaw was one of them. Cameron was another. Tristan has been one for eight years. My brother too, when we were younger he was my rock. 

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Why?

  • I think I am a little bit of both. It usually takes me some time to warm up to people but once I do, I’m pretty out there. LOL. I try to be an extrovert as much as possible. I’ve always struggled to make friends because I keep this wall up. My friends have never liked bringing me around their other friends, LOL. I’m trying to get better because honestly, I’m lonely. A girl needs friend’s guy. LOL

What is one thing you did for someone else this week and how did it make you feel?

  • The other day I went through Grace’s room to get rid of the things that no longer fit her. When I drive to work, there’s always the same woman. She is walking up and down the highway by the red light, and we talk sometimes. She has two daughters, four and six. Every day when I see her I try to give her water, or I bring her breakfast. This week I brought her all of Grace’s old clothes and shoes. She cried. She thanked me. But, I don’t think she knows how much joy it brings me to talk to her when I see her. I think she deserves so much better than where she is at. I hope to see her succeed one day and be off the side of that road. 

What have you learned to say no to?

  • Putting up with people’s bullshit. I don’t want anyone to walk all over me again. I don’t want people to bully me, or throw low blows my way the second they get upset about something in their life. I also have learned to say no when I truly am a people pleaser. If I don’t want to do it, I’m not going to fucking do it. Haha. Also, I won’t ever let someone disrespect me and keep my mouth shut. 

What are three things you love about yourself?

  • I love how big my heart is. I’m quick to forgive, and quick to accept others. Despite what people may say/think of me, I keep an open mind to everyone. Every one is deserving of kindness, until they aren’t.
  • My widowspeak. Y’all know what that is? Growing up, I went through a period where I NEVER wore my hair up. Now, I LOVE IT. It’s what makes me, me. Also, I’ve stopped caring about what other people think of me. None of y’all have to think I’m beautiful. I don’t care. I know I’m beautiful. Inside and out. 
  • My dimples. They’re dimples, what else do ya need?

Alright, I’ll keep it simple. I’m done. Haha

One thought on “Ten Q’s, because who wants to read twenty Q’s written by me?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: