It feels good to be sitting here at my laptop, typing up a month’s worth of writing. This past month was a whirlwind, and isolating myself was my way of coping. So it turns out, I needed that month with just my pen and paper. We moved, and it feels like it’s a brand new start. I spent this month thinking about what I can change in my life, and how to become a better person. It’s time for me to spend more time thinking of the good in life, instead of the bad. We moved, and it feels refreshing. It’s a new place, with a fresh start that I so desperately need.
Over the past few months, my emotions have been something else. I’ve been lashing out at the people who have done nothing but support me. I know that nobody is perfect, but I feel I’m more imperfect than most (does that make sense?). It’s hard to recognize myself these days. My anger (more of sad anger) has been out of control, and I can’t fucking figure out what the trigger is. I have this deep need to feel like I am equal to others, even though I’m a walking Mental Health problem. I’m not easy to understand, and I don’t blame those who choose not to be a part of my life. Feeling like I’m a problem is one of my worst traits. I am constantly searching to be understood. I want to be someone people WANT to understand. There’s a lot more to me than my Bipolar diagnosis, I’m human too.
Every emotion I felt after my diagnosis was presumed to be “dramatic.” It’s not fair to me; AT ALL. I get it. I’m Bipolar. I’m moody. I’m “too much.” I’m “crazy”. I’m an addict. I’m a mess. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I’m a lot of things, but none of those things mean I don’t deserve love. I can be a lot. I’m not denying that shit at all. Being bipolar shouldn’t mean I lose the right to feel things like any other person. Not every outburst, crying fest, or bad thing I get into is because I am Bipolar. Not every fucking emotion I have is related to my Mental Health diagnosis. Get real y’all.
I’m excited to be back to writing, y’all have no idea how much of an outlet this blog is for me. I’m not sure that any of you guys missed me, but I sure as fuck missed y’all. Manic Mama is my fucking safe place. Not coming on here has made me a little stir crazy but mostly, it’s made my journal full with writing. I’m looking forward to y’all reading what I’ve come up with over the past weeks. Thank you guys for all your support, this blog would be nothing without y’all.
Over the next three days, I will posting four BRAND NEW posts.
I am so excited to share them with you, and I can’t wait to hear what y’all think.
If there is anything you want to learn about, please go to my contact page and shoot me an email.
XOXO Manic Mama
ALSO, HAPPY PRIDE. This is my girst pride openly out as bisexual, and it feels so good.
LOVE IS LOVE BITCHES.