Dog’s welcome. Humans tolerated.

If you have dogs, you know how much their love affects our Mental Health. I’ve always wondered if our pets feed off of our energy. If we’re sad, are they? If we’re mad, are they? If we’re happy, how are they acting? I tried to do some research, but there wasn’t much I could find. I know I’m not the only one who has thought this. I have two dogs and one cat. Bailey. Major. Shadow. My pets are my children, and I know most of y’all would say the same. Our animals feel the way that we do. Which is what I think makes them “man’s best friend.” I am by no means a professional researcher (LOL), but I do enjoy putting my opinion out there. So, that’s what this is.

I learned that our pets mirror our emotions; dogs can even synchronize their stress levels with ours. They feed off our happiness, our anger, and our sadness. It reminds me of a newborn. They read how you are feeling and react accordingly. Kinda like…”You’re sad? I’m sad.” “You’re angry? I’m angry.” Dogs have grown beside us for thousands of years, they have become in tune with emotions. Our pets form bonds with us, and neglecting to understand how our mental state affects them could be harmful.

We often neglect our mental health, but we don’t realize what effect that has on our pets. I, like my dogs, feed off the energy. Being Bipolar, my dogs see me through dark times quite often. They’re always so sweet. Major will lay on my chest to slow my breathing and help me calm down. Bailey will just walk up and lick the tears right off my face. I never once thought that my chronic sadness would harm them.

There have been many times when I’m so depressed I can’t even get up and walk for longer than five minutes. Therefore, no walks. This isn’t fair to my pets. I’ve tried to get better. It helps now that we are in an apartment. We end up going on like ten fucking walks a day, lol. But, I think it is going to help all of us so much with our Mental Health. Sunshine is good for the soul.

This topic is a brand new one for me, and I wasn’t able to find too much. I’m going to continue searching this up on forums, search engines, etc. I will be back for this one. From what I concurred, we should pay more attention to our pet’s feelings. Neglecting our pet’s mental health negatively impacts their general welfare. I’m not saying don’t cry. Lol, shit. I cry like twelve times a fucking day. I’m saying to make an effort, get out of your bed, and get the hell outside. Go on that walk. Go to the dog park. I feel like we help dogs just as much as they help us. If we’re happy, they’re happy, And if they’re happy, we’re happy.

Do you have any pets? Leave me a comment below and tell me 🙂

We All Need A Break

It feels good to be sitting here at my laptop, typing up a month’s worth of writing. This past month was a whirlwind, and isolating myself was my way of coping. So it turns out, I needed that month with just my pen and paper. We moved, and it feels like it’s a brand new start. I spent this month thinking about what I can change in my life, and how to become a better person. It’s time for me to spend more time thinking of the good in life, instead of the bad. We moved, and it feels refreshing. It’s a new place, with a fresh start that I so desperately need.

Over the past few months, my emotions have been something else. I’ve been lashing out at the people who have done nothing but support me. I know that nobody is perfect, but I feel I’m more imperfect than most (does that make sense?). It’s hard to recognize myself these days. My anger (more of sad anger) has been out of control, and I can’t fucking figure out what the trigger is. I have this deep need to feel like I am equal to others, even though I’m a walking Mental Health problem. I’m not easy to understand, and I don’t blame those who choose not to be a part of my life. Feeling like I’m a problem is one of my worst traits. I am constantly searching to be understood. I want to be someone people WANT to understand. There’s a lot more to me than my Bipolar diagnosis, I’m human too.

Every emotion I felt after my diagnosis was presumed to be “dramatic.” It’s not fair to me; AT ALL. I get it. I’m Bipolar. I’m moody. I’m “too much.” I’m “crazy”. I’m an addict. I’m a mess. Blah, blah, blah, blah. I’m a lot of things, but none of those things mean I don’t deserve love. I can be a lot. I’m not denying that shit at all. Being bipolar shouldn’t mean I lose the right to feel things like any other person. Not every outburst, crying fest, or bad thing I get into is because I am Bipolar. Not every fucking emotion I have is related to my Mental Health diagnosis. Get real y’all.

I’m excited to be back to writing, y’all have no idea how much of an outlet this blog is for me. I’m not sure that any of you guys missed me, but I sure as fuck missed y’all. Manic Mama is my fucking safe place. Not coming on here has made me a little stir crazy but mostly, it’s made my journal full with writing. I’m looking forward to y’all reading what I’ve come up with over the past weeks. Thank you guys for all your support, this blog would be nothing without y’all.

Over the next three days, I will posting four BRAND NEW posts.

I am so excited to share them with you, and I can’t wait to hear what y’all think.

If there is anything you want to learn about, please go to my contact page and shoot me an email.

Much love,

XOXO Manic Mama

ALSO, HAPPY PRIDE. This is my girst pride openly out as bisexual, and it feels so good.

LOVE IS LOVE BITCHES.

Ten Q’s, because who wants to read twenty Q’s written by me?

I’ve been struggling lately, and my psychiatrist recommended finding some journal prompts to help me have more of an outlet. Writing has been my escape these days. My life feels out of control. This blog allows me to have a voice with no judgment or negativity. I enjoy being transparent and letting others know they are not alone. Self-reflection is vital, especially for someone who has little love for themselves. Also, I really wanted to try some of these. 

Here’s to being transparent.

When I think of my father I feel…

  • Sad. Happy. Proud. Our relationship has always been up and down. But, I am so proud to be his daughter. He is strong and resilient. He is positive and loving. He is an amazing man. I wish we were closer, and I regret not seeing him as much as I should. Dad, I love you. For some reason, I feel like you do read this blog, and that makes me happy. I am proud of him. He taught me everything about baseball, which just so happened to teach me about life as well. I will forever and always be an extension of my father. 

What would you tell your teenage self?

  • Love yourself. Those boys don’t care about you. Stop searching for things in sex. I wish you knew how beautiful you are. You are a force of nature. It makes me sad to think of the dark times. Don’t hurt yourself. Don’t take the pills. Don’t do this stuff. YOU MATTER. You are strong Madison. You are resilient. It’s okay to not be okay. Fuck anyone who doesn’t believe in you. Also, wait until you become a mom. Then you’ll see how truly amazing your life is.

Why is your favorite color and why?

  • Blue. I’ve always felt blue if that makes sense. Blue calms me. Have you ever heard the song Blue World by Mac Miller? It came out way after blue became my favorite color, but it just exasperates my love for the color. All my life I’ve felt blue, and I’ve never gone a day without feeling some sort of pain. Blue is me. Blue is the perfect color for me. 

Why is your favorite movie your favorite movie?

  • A Walk to Remember. Have y’all seen it? It is an example of true love and selflessness. This movie is something I watch when I need to be humbled. I cry every time I watch. Highly recommend. 

What did you use to want to be when you grew up and why?

  • I always wanted to be a family-focused therapist. My parents got divorced when I was young, and I didn’t handle it very well. Helping kids who are going through that is what I always wanted to do. When I had Grace, it just didn’t seem possible. But, I love giving my friends lots of advice as if I know what I’m talking about. LOL.

Who is your favorite person to talk to and why?

  • Right now? Madi. She keeps my head on straight and always reminds me I am special. She has a good soul, and I’m so happy we’ve reunited. Over the years I’ve had a few people that always brought me comfort when I spoke to them. Sierra, although we don’t talk every day, she is a person who can bring me back to the center. She is the definition of true support. My Pawpaw was one of them. Cameron was another. Tristan has been one for eight years. My brother too, when we were younger he was my rock. 

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Why?

  • I think I am a little bit of both. It usually takes me some time to warm up to people but once I do, I’m pretty out there. LOL. I try to be an extrovert as much as possible. I’ve always struggled to make friends because I keep this wall up. My friends have never liked bringing me around their other friends, LOL. I’m trying to get better because honestly, I’m lonely. A girl needs friend’s guy. LOL

What is one thing you did for someone else this week and how did it make you feel?

  • The other day I went through Grace’s room to get rid of the things that no longer fit her. When I drive to work, there’s always the same woman. She is walking up and down the highway by the red light, and we talk sometimes. She has two daughters, four and six. Every day when I see her I try to give her water, or I bring her breakfast. This week I brought her all of Grace’s old clothes and shoes. She cried. She thanked me. But, I don’t think she knows how much joy it brings me to talk to her when I see her. I think she deserves so much better than where she is at. I hope to see her succeed one day and be off the side of that road. 

What have you learned to say no to?

  • Putting up with people’s bullshit. I don’t want anyone to walk all over me again. I don’t want people to bully me, or throw low blows my way the second they get upset about something in their life. I also have learned to say no when I truly am a people pleaser. If I don’t want to do it, I’m not going to fucking do it. Haha. Also, I won’t ever let someone disrespect me and keep my mouth shut. 

What are three things you love about yourself?

  • I love how big my heart is. I’m quick to forgive, and quick to accept others. Despite what people may say/think of me, I keep an open mind to everyone. Every one is deserving of kindness, until they aren’t.
  • My widowspeak. Y’all know what that is? Growing up, I went through a period where I NEVER wore my hair up. Now, I LOVE IT. It’s what makes me, me. Also, I’ve stopped caring about what other people think of me. None of y’all have to think I’m beautiful. I don’t care. I know I’m beautiful. Inside and out. 
  • My dimples. They’re dimples, what else do ya need?

Alright, I’ll keep it simple. I’m done. Haha

Welp. Time for another word vomit.

I’ve been losing it lately. The worst part is that I don’t know what is triggering me. When I lose it, it’s hard for me to stop. It’s like this roller coaster that never stops fucking going around and around. This roller coaster wreaks havoc on everyone around me. It makes me feel shitty. A part of me thinks that I’m the problem, and another part thinks it’s not my fault.

Is there going to come a time when everyone gives up on me? I wouldn’t blame them if I’m being honest. I’m a lot. Do you ever look in the mirror and just cry? You’re looking at yourself and wondering why. Why am I like this? I know I’m pretty. I know I have a good heart, and I know I’m worth it. So, why don’t I feel like it?

I’m a pusher, always have been. I’m not sure why I do it. Maybe I think I’m not deserving of love? What’s to love? I’ve never been able to see the good in myself. In the last year, it’s become a huge problem. I question everything and everyone. It’s as if I don’t understand why they want me around? Even going out, I tend to get nervous. Are they going to like me? Do I look okay? Will they talk to me? It’s nerve-wracking.

I’m always last on my list, and that’s been a problem for me my entire life. I put EVERYONE before myself. Now, when you put yourself last…everything starts to pile up. It also seems like I am last on everyone else’s list as well.

I need help, like once a week type of help. I’ve been looking for an in-person therapist because I want to learn how to control the Manic rages. My friend Madi said I’m like a hot air balloon that’s about to combust, and I’ve never related to something more. Maybe I should start doing puzzles again, haha. They always help me forget about everything in my head.

I haven’t stood up in the shower in over a year and a half, and brushing my teeth feels like the biggest chore ever. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit that, but that’s my reality. Sucks, huh?

Anyways, this is just me having a case of word vomit. I just had to get some of this shit out. I’m trying to turn it around, but I need help. I want to stop pushing away everyone I love. I want to learn how to communicate my emotions better. I want to start loving myself because I know I deserve it. I want to focus on repairing the relationships that I have fucked up.

I am manifesting light and love into my life. Send me good vibes. Thanks for reading my rambling. 🙂

Is this shit going to be passed down?

I remember when my Mom told me that she thought my NoNose was Bipolar. When I thought about it, I understood why she was the way she was. When she got Alzheimer’s I saw the mood swings more than I ever did before. Seeing that made me feel like it’s not my fault. She was a beautiful, wonderful, amazing woman. She was tough, and a force of nature. I miss her and my Pawpaw every day. I miss the phone calls where Pawpaw just listened. He always made me feel heard, and I hope he is proud of me. I’ve never loved someone like I loved my Pawpaw. He was the best man I have ever known. 

Grace was about three when I was diagnosed with BD. It made me terrified that I would pass it down. Now…we all know I love to research. It is the best way to become aware. So, let’s begin. 

I found out that Bipolar Disorder is a heritable disease. Genetics isn’t the only reason behind BD, but all the things I read show that it is a strong component in developing BD. Did you know that children who have a parent with BD are ten times more likely to develop the disease? Fucking sucks to think about it. Although the exact cause of BD is unknown, they believe that genetics, environment, and family history are all risk factors. 

Also, did you know we have calcium in our brains? Or am I just dumb? LOL. One of the second strongest causes of BD is a problem with calcium signaling. Neurons control our intake and outtake of calcium. If you have a problem with it, your brain chemistry will change. A lack of dopamine and serotonin can also have quite an effect on someone’s mental health. ‘

Now, WHO LOVES LISTS? If you do, cool. If you don’t, I don’t care. 

Risk Factors-

  • Head trauma
  • Changes in the way your brain functions
  • When your brain is inflamed 
  • Cortisol levels
  • Traumatic events
  • Lacking physical activity
  • Changes in your hormones
  • Drug and Alcohol abuse
  • Childhood events

There’s no cure for this shit. I mean once you got it, you got it, my guy. There are ways to help with your recovery and road to stability. Here are a few things that can help you (and me).

Medication

  • Antipsychotics
  • Mood Stabilizers
  • Anxiety Medication
  • Antidepressants

Therapy

  • This is a safe, nonjudgemental place to voice what you are dealing with.
  • Cognitive-Behavioral: You will find a way to understand your triggers and how to handle them. It can help explain how feelings and behavior coincide with one another. Also, let’s learn (together) how to get rid of the dark thoughts and replace them with good. 
  • Family-focused: Get your family to better understand what you are going through. This can help communication be better, better self-care, and get your family to learn the best way to help.
My NoNose and my Dad

Bipolar Disorder is unpredictable as hell. I can’t do shit but give Grace the best life I can give her. Show her love. Play with her. She’s my baby, always will be. All I can do is hope she has the happiest life. I want to see her grow, love, hurt, and live. Our kids are important. Our kids are the future. The best thing we can do is set them up for happiness. Life is never fair, and I don’t expect our kids to never be hurt. I just expect us, as parents, to do the best we can for them. The kids of right now, are our future doctors, presidents, senators, and professional athletes. The possibilities for our kids are endless. 

Becoming a mother saved my life. Grace is the light of all of our lives. She’s going to do big things.

So will y’alls kids (Caroline believe this).

I promise. You heard it here first. 

But, I feel better?

Sometimes I get the urge to stop taking my meds. It usually happens when I start to feel good, ya know? Like I’m normal. It took a long time for me to realize that they aren’t cures, they’re treatments. They help manage your symptoms, not get rid of them completely. Ongoing treatment is usually required to keep Mental Illness symptoms in check, so you can live a life you can enjoy. Thinking about being on the pills for my entire life makes me tired sometimes. So, what are we supposed to do when we start questioning our path to recovery? There are different ways to go about it, but you should always choose the safest way. If you are thinking of stopping or switching your path of treatment, make sure you speak with your doctor.

Stopping medication isn’t uncommon, but it usually isn’t approached as carefully as it should be. Get with your doctor guys. Quitting anything too quickly is risky. The longer you take something, the more your brain/body has adapted to it. Detoxing is what I found every time I searched this topic. Your body/brain should have time to readjust to how it was pre-medication. I found a few things that might help you decide if you are thinking of getting off your medication.

  1. ALWAYS refer to your Psychiatrist before doing anything.
  2. Stopping psychiatric medication can cause your symptoms to return, sometimes even worse. 
  3. Medications can take time…are you sure you gave them the time they needed? I went through a lot of different meds before getting to where I’m at now. And, I’m still adjusting them to this day. 
  4. Pros & cons. We love a good list. 
  5. Keep your regular appointments so that your progress can be monitored.

Psychiatric medications are not “cure-all” pills. There is a lot of emotional work that should be done alongside these medications. Opinions on this subject vary, and that’s okay. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I read there are a few trends regarding people and psychiatric medications. Some consistently take them, some refuse, some go on/off of them, some suddenly stop, and others simply refuse. All medications have benefits, and all have risks. Stopping any medication too quickly can cause damage to your body. It should be done gradually over time so that your body can readjust. The slower you wean off your medications, the less likely your symptoms will return.

Risks of stopping your medication too fast:

  • Rapid return of symptoms
  • Thoughts of suicide
  • Seizures
  • Withdrawal (yes, withdrawal). You can experience flu symptoms, insomnia, dizziness, headaches, irritability, and anxiety.
  • Risk of suicide grows higher.
  • Hospitilization
  • Episodes of violence

Tips for preparing to stop your medications:

  1. Be honest with your loved ones. Discuss with them your reasons for stopping, and what help you will need from them during the process.
  2. You can look into making an Advanced Directive. It’s essentially a layout of what you want your support system to do in the event that you cannot care for yourself.
  3. Identify your triggers. You can keep a journal to help you better spot the patterns. The more patterns you recognize, the more you can understand what is going on. Keep monitoring your moods, this can help you spot things you normally wouldn’t.

Nothing good has ever come from me deciding to stop my meds. I legit have a psychotic break EVERY SINGLE TIME. Lmfao. But, everyone is different. Medication is right for me, but it might not be the path for you. And, that’s okay. It took me a while to realize that mental health treatment is ongoing. There’s no cure. No magic pill that takes away all your pain. Kinda sucks, huh? Search for a good doctor, one that listens to your needs. It took a few tries before I found the right doctor for me.

I ended up starting Cerebral. It is a Mental Health app that came around during Quarantine, and it has helped me tremendously. She has helped me understand myself better and has made my road to recovery a lot less bumpy. I’ve grown up the past few years (LOL, I know what you’re thinking), and I know what’s right for me. I’m prepared to be on psychiatric medication for the rest of my life, and THAT IS OKAY. Anyone who tries to make you feel bad for that is wrong. No one has the right to judge you for choosing to do what is best for you. Maybe when I’m old and gray, I’ll stop them. It might be fun to go cuckoo for a little bit.

Any recovery takes time, but all recovery is worth it. It IS worth persisting. It takes work. You have to stay focused on the light on the other side of all the darkness. Stay on top of your appointments and actively share your thoughts/concerns. There are different reasons people don’t take medication for their Mental Health. Some fear side effects, don’t trust their doctors, or just cannot afford it. It’s amazing how expensive it is to stay healthy. Our healthcare system is a crock of shit and I’m not sorry if that pisses anyone off. Our country has to do better.

In the end, it is your own decision on what to do with your body. Do what is best for YOU. Don’t worry about what others will think. They aren’t the ones experiencing what is going on in your head. They aren’t the ones who matter on your road to recovery. YOU are the only person who matters.

Let’s Talk Therapy

Mental Health issues are more common than diabetes or even cancer. Everyone experiences it at least once in their lifetime. Even though it affects millions, only about half will actually look for help. Men are the least likely to get treatment. I’m sure that has nothing to do with the stigma surrounding masculinity….LOL. Boys are taught to be “manly men”. Hide your emotions, don’t cry, don’t be a baby. It’s all bullshit. Boys need help the same way that girls do. There’s NO SHAME in admitting you are struggling and need help that you can’t give yourself. A study done in 2019 showed that only 19.2% of people in America received Mental Health Treatment. It makes me sad as hell, so many people out there raw-dogging the shit out of life. I’ve tried that. It sucks.

I have a long history with therapy. The first time I went was after my parents got divorced, and I remember this board game about kids of divorce. Kinda funny, right? It didn’t help me very much. I think I was too young to get any real help out of it. I went back in middle school when I started self-harming, and I continued to go to her for a very long time. There’s a difference in the feelings on therapy when it comes to my generation and my parent’s generation. The older generation believes that it’s a weakness, but we all know that’s fucking wrong. Therapy is a game-changer for anyone who is struggling emotionally. Research shows that it works, and people simply don’t go. John Hopkins conducted a study that shows that just a few sessions with a therapist can bring down someone’s risk of suicide. Mental Health has become a crisis in our country. People aren’t getting the help they need, and it shows.

I am pro-therapy. It’s nice to sit across from someone who wants to help you, not judge you. We all need an outlet. Bottling things up does no one any good. Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in our country. According to research, it’s about 113 people a day. People with Bipolar disorder are at a much higher risk of committing suicide, which scares the shit out of me. It is, and always will be, important to understand the different Mental Health Disorders that are out there. Knowledge is power. We need to become more aware of what these look like and what can happen when untreated.

Here are a few of the statistics I found about Mental Health treatment. 

  • Treatment in general: Men (13.4%), & Women (24.7%)
  • Medication: Men (10.7%), & Women (20.6%)
  • Therapy/Counseling: Men (7.2%), & Women (11.7%)

Now, let’s look at the different types of Mental Illnesses and how common they are. 

  • Major Depressive Disorder: 8.4% (21 Million)
  • Schizophrenia: <1% (1.5 Million)
  • Bipolar Disorder: 2.8% (7 Million)
  • Anxiety Disorder: 19.1% (48 Million)
  • PTSD: 3.6% (9 Million)
  • OCD: 1.2% (3 Million)
  • Borderline Personality: 1.4% (3.5 Million)

It makes me sad to think about how expensive it is to get help. The biggest problem when it comes to therapy is the lack of accessibility. It shouldn’t be as hard as it is to get help. No one goes through life without experiencing pain or struggles. I hope our society shifts its attention to Mental Health and helps treatment become more accessible.

There is peace in opening up and letting your problems go. I think that if you are trying to decide whether or not to go to therapy…you should go. If it’s hurting enough to ask that question, then you need to be proactive. If I could afford it, I would be seeing someone. I’m just in no position. But if you are, then please go see someone. You will not get anywhere by holding everything in.

Stop being scared. Get help.

I believe the world would be a better place if we paid more attention to mental health.

Our world is messed up.

Our world may never be at peace, but we can find our own peace.

You’re triggered, I’m triggered, EVERYONE IS TRIGGERED

So, what is a trigger? It’s something that causes us to have an extreme blind emotional reaction. It’s like something scaring you. The thing that startles you is the trigger and being scared is your emotional reaction. We all have them. No one goes through life without developing at least a few of them. It’s the slamming doors, the change in someone’s voice, or a low blow cheap shot directed to hurt you. I want to find a way to stop letting my triggers control me. I need them to lead me to a path of self-reflection. There is strength in learning how to react better towards the things that hurt you.

When we’re triggered, our reaction is far from sane. The emotional response tends to go on longer than the trigger took to penetrate. Even though we associate this with mostly negativity, there are positive triggers. The smell of gasoline takes me back to riding four-wheelers in Jasper, or the photo I have of me holding Riley when she was born. Our bodies turn into fight or flight mode when confronted, and we aren’t always able to control our reactions. I want to work on not fleeing too fast, lashing back too hard, or shutting down too quickly.

There’s always a chance for disappointment when having relationships with people. By becoming self-aware, we can learn how to respond better when triggered. I’m not perfect and have never claimed to be. I’m sort of like a sponge. I take it for so long until it’s just the end of the straw. Once pushed to the breaking point, I suck at controlling how I act. Triggers are past traumas making their way into our present lives. When I did some research (which you guys know I love), I saw that we should get from:
Trigger —> Reaction
to
Trigger —> Reaction —> Response
and then
Trigger —> Response.

Here are some tips that I found scouring the web that might help us get there. 

  1. Name your Triggers- Learn and become aware of what sets you off.
  2. The root of the problem- Figure out what is behind your trigger, and then start your healing process.
  3. Notice when you’re getting angry- When you feel the anger coming on, take a walk and find a way to cool off.
  4. You’re never alone.

So, want to know what my triggers are? I have a few, lol.

Staring Problems:
Omfg. This one used to get me good. I mean, I used to yell across the parking lot if someone was staring. As I’ve gotten older, I have kind of gotten better. Lol. Instead of yelling, now I just ask what they’re staring at. Or I tell them to just take a picture.

Low-Blows:

Not a fan. I am NOT a fan. I try so hard to ignore these comments, but this is the one I struggle the most with. I hate ugly reacting to things that are said to me. Words are just words. Right? Well, not to me. I “take it” the first few times, but I lose it after too many times. It’s like seeing red. I’m not proud of how I’ve acted when someone says a hurtful comment to me, but everyone has a breaking point.

Criticism:

Omg, I suck with this shit. I can’t distinguish between helpful criticism and hateful criticism. I’ve been told my whole life how to dress, what my body should look like, how I should act. It’s made me sensitive to all criticism. I want to learn how to take it in and accept it.

The change in tone of voice/screaming:

Fuck this. I despise it. I feed off people’s energy too much. When someone starts yelling, my body goes into fight mode. My voice starts to raise as long as they are still going on. The change of someone’s tone, or the screaming, scares me. It makes me feel unsafe. It takes me back to being a teenager in toxic relationships or the drunk guys who have hurt me. I hate feeling unsafe. I’d much rather have a conversation in normal tones than feel like they’re attacking me.

Our reactions happen fast when triggered so don’t be too hard on yourself. They make us feel like we are right back into the traumatic experience that caused it. We all need work. I sure as hell know I do.

I promise to find out my triggers, work on finding peace, and stop reacting blindly. Losing myself to my trauma is not something I want to continue doing. I want to be better. 🙂

I can do it, and you can do it. EVERYONE CAN DO IT.

It’s Five O’clock Somewhere

I’ve been bartending for years. Over the years, there’s been a few drinks that I loved. Everyone loves a good drink. I only condone drinking for people who are OF AGE. I do encourage safe drinking. Please do not drink and drive.

Here are a few of my favorites.

Mixed Drinks

  1. Liquid Marijuana
  • 1 1/2 Oz Midori
  • 1 Oz Malibu Rum
  • 1/4 Oz Captain Morgan
  • 1.2 Oz Blue Curacao
  • Pineapple juice
  • Splash Sprite
  • Top with Cherries

2. Adio’s Mother F*cker

  • 1/2 Oz Vodka
  • 1/2 Oz Gin
  • 1/2 Oz Rum
  • 1/2 Oz Tequila
  • 1/2 Sweet and Sour
  • 1/2 Oz Blue Curacao
  • Top with Cherries

3. White Russian

  • 2 Oz Vodka
  • 1 Oz Kahlua
  • 1 Oz Whole Milk or Half & Half

4. Blue Hawaiin

  • 1 Oz Bacardi
  • 1 Oz Blue Curacao
  • 2 Oz Pineapple Juice
  • 1/4 Oz Malibu
  • Fill with Sweet and Sour

5. Smores Martini

  • 1 1/2 Oz Marshmallow Vodka
  • 1 Oz Bailey’s Irish Cream
  • 1 Oz Half & Half
  • 1 1/2 Oz Drambuie
  • Graham Crackers
  • Marshmallow Fluff
  • Chocolate Syrup
  • 1 Jumbo Marshmallow
  • Shake the liqour in a cocktail shaker, coat the rim of the Martini glass with the Marshmallow Fluff, roll into the crushed up Graham Crackers, strain what is in the cocktail shaker into glass, heat one jumbo Marshmallow on toothpick and garnish! 🙂

Shots

  1. Buttery Nipple
  • 1 Oz Butterscotch Schnapps
  • 1/2 Oz Bailey’s Irish Cream
  • Butterscotch comes first. In order to layer the Irish cream, hold the pour spout air hole and pour from the side of the glass.

2. The Madi 😉

  • 1 1/2 Oz Patron
  • 1/4 Rose’s Lime Juice
  • Salt the rim of your shot glass, add a lime as your garnish, and then shake ‘n strain into your glass. Don’t forget to lick the salt FIRST, then bite your lime. Hehe

3. Pineapple Upside Down

  • 1/2 Oz Vanilla Vodka
  • 1/2 Pineapple Juice
  • Shake & strain, then add a dash of Grenadine

4. Flamin Dr-Pepper

  • 1 Cup of Beer
  • 1 Oz Amaretto
  • 1/4 Oz 151
  • Add your amaretto and 151 to a shot glass. Light it on fire, yes it does that.
  • Drop your shot glass in your cup of beer and down the hatch it goes!!! Kind of like an Irish Car Bomb.

5. Mexican Candy

  • 2 Oz Tequila
  • 4 Oz Fruit Juice (Strawberry, Cranberry, Pink Lemonade, anything within the pink color range)
  • Dash of Hot Sauce (I prefer Louisiana Hot Sauce)
  • Line your shot glass with Tajin and garnish with a Lime

Now, be safe.

And ENJOY. 🙂

Let’s Get To It

I changed in the best way possible when I became a mom. Grace brought light and love into my life that I never knew existed. I haven’t talked much about motherhood, but I also wanted to make it a little spicy. Hehe. I’ve got a list of ten topics that people hate to talk about–most of the time. Now, everything I am about to say is MY opinion. I am in no way trying to force my beliefs on anyone because that’s lame. I’m not telling you how to parent either, so don’t get all mad about that either. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. No one is the same.

So, let’s get to it!!!!

  1. Co-sleeping

When they’re little, FOR SURE the crib. I was adamant about Grace sleeping in her crib. Plus, newborns are a lot. I enjoyed my sleep during those times. It’s not safe until they are bigger anyways. And now? If she wants to, who am I to say no? She’s my girl. I’m going to take in all this love while I can. One day she’ll be a teenager, LOL. Lord help me.

2. Skipping hygiene routine sometimes

Don’t get me wrong. Brushing your teeth, showering, and all that shit is important. But if Grace is throwing a fit, I’m not going to force her. Do I brush my teeth every night? Honestly, I don’t. I’m never going to force her to do something. She’s good to go if that’s the case. Try again in the morning is my advice. 🙂

3. Time-out or spanking

Spanking isn’t it for me. I don’t like it, I don’t do it, and that’s the end of that. I don’t believe in teaching my child that when they do something wrong, they get hit/hurt. Again, that’s my opinion, and that’s all I’ll say about that.

Now, I do use time-outs. Time out should never be me throwing her in her room, shutting the door, and leaving. There’s no reason to lock her up where I can’t see her. That sounds like abandonment issues in the making. I prefer using the kitchen table or the stairs. 🙂 It’s always been effective for Grace. I do one minute per every year of your child’s age. Once time out is over, we sit and talk about what she did wrong. Then we resume playing. 🙂

4. Screen time

Let’s get real. It’s 2022, technology is HUGE. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a child having an iPad/tablet. Monitor it. Use that parental lock shit, because I sure do. You have no idea the things a child could find on the internet. We keep an eagle eye on what she views or plays. Right now, Grace is super into Roblox. Haha.

There is such a thing as too much screen time. I’m a firm believer in getting outside, feeling the sunshine on your face, and having good old-fashioned fun. There’s nothing better. But don’t stay out of date; let them be kids! Let them have the same experiences but to an extent. Things are different from when we were kids. I’ll still always be a barefoot, outside type of child.

5. Yelling at kids

Traumatizing. A change in tone does the job in my opinion. I know I knew when I was in trouble just based on the tone of my Dad’s voice. When his voice got deeper and stern, man I knew I was in for it. But, I understand being a parent is stressful and you get impatient. If you yell, apologize, tell them why they’re in trouble, and then explain what they did wrong.

6. Leashes for the runners

BEST. INVENTION. EVER. I was (still am) terrified of Grace running off. I’d always giggle when I saw people using them, but I understood the reason the minute Grace started walking. Y’all should know that toddlers are DETERMINED. Lol. When they get going, there’s no stopping them. HAHA.

7. Breastmilk vs. Formula

It’s no one’s choice but your own. I was formula-fed, but my brother and sister weren’t. The baby formula was the best choice for Grace and me. I needed to get back on my medication that I couldn’t use while breastfeeding. I suffered severe post-partum depression, and I needed that medication. To each its own. There is never a warranted reason to tear down a mother for her choice on what she chooses.

8. Competitiveness

I’m competitive, my whole family is really. My brother and I always found some way to compete. I used to make him get me things by telling him he couldn’t do it in under thirty seconds, lol. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with raising your children to play to win. Competition is healthy, but here’s a correct way to act when winning (or losing). It’s all in good fun. Sore-losers aren’t fun though, and everyone loses at some point. Teaching your child how to lose or win graciously is important.

9. Religion and kids

I grew up in the Catholic church. Every Sunday, for a very long time. As a child, Heaven is important for multiple situations growing up. Fish, dogs, pets, family. At one point though, it should become your child’s choice to make their own beliefs. Just like it became my choice. I’ll never try to control my kid’s opinions, EVER.

10. Anti-Vax vs. Pro-vax

Get your kids fucking vaccinated. They can choose when they’re adults.

It’s okay to talk about uncomfortable things. I love to have discussions and hear about other people’s beliefs.

Feel free to comment your opinion and I promise it will be free of judgement.

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